I work in a bank.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but banking is a pretty crowded field. You probably drive past five or six banks on the way to your bank.

Since the landscape is so competitive, we’ve got to be on the lookout for ways to stand out from the crowd. I’m convinced that one way to stand out is by having different conversations with our customers than other banks are willing to have with theirs.

For us, I think it means asking a customer, “What do you need this money to do for you?” when they start a relationship rather than simply taking their instruction. Knowing what the customer really needs their money to do for them (grow, stay safe, generate income) is the key to recommending the right solution. And recommending the right solution creates a better relationship than simply taking an order.

But it all hinges on having a different conversation.

Deep relationships are interwoven with different conversations.

One way you can tell a relationship has some legs is if someone is willing to go below the surface to engage you even when it’s uncomfortable for you and/or them.

My wife opened my eyes to this a few weeks ago.

She said that in the days after our miscarriage in 2008, her friends kept their distance for the most part. Not wanting to upset her or poke at the wound, they didn’t say much about the miscarriage.

One friend stepped out of her own comfort zone and asked her while they were riding somewhere in the car together: “So how are you doing with everything?”

My wife says it meant the world to her that someone asked. Especially when the answer was almost certain to be, “I’m not okay.”

Do you want to intentionally deepen a few key relationships in your life? Start having different conversations with those people.

Who’s one person in your life who is willing to have those types of conversations with you?